Proceed with Caution!

Recently I experienced a "first time" at work. This, honestly, was one of those "first times" I prayed would never come to pass, but it came, and it came hard. You know how when you have not-so-ideal news to share with someone so you just kind of beat around the bush with small conversation hoping for that right opportunity to come up so you can just ease on into it? Then that opportunity never actually comes so you just have to flat out say it? Well, that's what I'm doing. So, this is me flat out saying it: I had my first patient die. It was a baby. She was so precious. I've always thought I'd be tough; whatever happens happens and you move on. It's what I signed up for, right? eh. Not so much. Yes, working in the ICU I knew that death was something I'd be faced with on a daily basis, but being a part of this situation is far different from simply imagining how I'd react to losing a patient. This is not to say I don't love my job b/c I truly do. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. However, I'm human. It's sad and it's hard no matter how many times you have experienced it. Needless to say, this left me with lots of questions. Not just medically what went wrong but on a spiritual level...on an eternal level.

My question for the longest time has been: do babies/children go to heaven? Google that. It will infuriate you one second then having you rejoicing the next, but the fact of the matter is we must turn to God's word. The Bible is the only truth--not what some random person decided to post on the dotcom one day. It's interesting though, even if I'd never opened the bible I would know, just looking at this baby, she was with Jesus...so sweet and peaceful. I was overcome with a sense of this is where she was supposed to be. I felt like baby was being held in our Father's arms that very moment. I stood there holding baby in my own arms all alone in the room and cried a little. I cried b/c I was sad she ever had to live through pain and I cried b/c she no longer had to. Instead, she was healed in heaven. After I was done with everything my charge nurse let me leave work early that night, around 345am, b/c it had been an exhausting night. On my way home I couldn't help but think of all the times when I was younger that I'd have a bad dream and run into my parents bed to snuggle between the two of them. I resisted the urge to do so and headed back to my condo.

The bible says "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16. So, whoever believes in Jesus Christ will go to heaven. What about those who've never even heard of Jesus? Well, it also goes on to say in Romans 1:20 "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse." Basically saying that if you're living in this world you're witnessing His creation so you have no excuse but to believe in Him. So what about those babies who are too young and lack the mental capacity to comprehend salvation? Too young to understand that the world they live in was created by a Higher Power? Welp, friends, our God may be a just God but He is also very merciful. 


Read on to Deuteronomy 1:39 "And the little ones that you said would be taken captive, your children who do not yet know good from bad--they will enter the land. I will give it to them and they will take possession of it." I realize there are several verses that say no matter what we are born sinful (Romans 5:12) but I also know that in order to be saved or condemned we will be faced with a decision the day we encounter Jesus Christ. Do we accept and believe that He died for us or do we reject this truth? God will condemn those who reject Him,  right? But as a baby you are not capable of making such a decision. All in all my belief is that this sweet baby, along with the rest that we lose too soon, is resting peacefully in Heaven. 

Lastly, I read about a sermon where the pastor said "God does not call innocent children to heaven. That comes from circumstances brought about by the earth. But He is there to welcome them with open arms." That quote is pretty comforting. I actually heard that long before this happened but it was kind of like God had it stashed in my back pocket for that night b/c he knew I'd need it. 

I know this post is kind of a lot and I probably make no sense, but if you take nothing from it I just ask that you pray for this family who lost a daughter, granddaughter, niece, cousin, loved one...Also, please pray for those involved in her care. I know that where I work this happens somewhat often but it goes unspoken on the unit and I can't help but worry about what my co-workers take away from all this. Ok, I'm donezo. Keep it reals...Thanks for readdinngg!!! love you!!

Three's Company

It's official. My blog is on the brink of going viral. It's coming in right behind Lady GaGa videos and Marcel the Shell!....except not really. I've finally reached three followers. That was my goal going into this. If I can just get three people with enough time on their hands to read my blog then it's worth it. Why three? Well, b/c there was a show once called Three's Company so I've always just felt like three was a good number. Anyway, Emelyn, welcome inside my mind.

What's happening in my world? To sum it up Vince Young is no longer privelaged enough to wear a Titans jersey, I hate the Miami Heat now more than ever, and I'm a fantasty football champion(good run, Emelyn).

Thoughts on VY? ABOUT TIME! Good luck on your future endeavors.

Miami Heat? Ok, anyone(team) that compares themselves to the Beatles is just arrogant. Plus, Heatles just sounds gross. Lebron ruined his reputation when he felt he was important enough to block off an hour long conference/announcement on ESPN just to tell us he was a traitor. I may be harsh. I can't relate. I've never been the 2nd best (yea, 2nd) basketball player of all time and in search of an NBA championship ring. The only reason it moves me enough to blog is b/c I've recently rekindled my love with the Bealtes and realized, all over again, their brilliance...and b/c I've got nothing else to say. But their brilliance is far more superior than a Sir James. As I write this I'm listening to some of their greatest hits. "Let It Be" just about sums up how I feel about life.

"And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow, let it be."

What I love about their music, and Coldplay (that's a whole 'nother love affair), is although it's what we consider secular music I find it can be kind of spiritual. A lot of truth in it; a lot of simplicity. The song "Let It Be" reminds me of what one of my best friends, Kara, said in a convo recently. She said that there wasn't much in life that we can control so take take control of what we can- ie) our health, our end of relationships, and our relationship with God. Other than those things life is going to run it's course whether we want it to or not...and that's when we just have to let it be. There's always gonna be an end; there's always gonna be an answer-you just have to be willing to find. There's always some positive amidst the struggles. Life happens, we have to embrace it, trust God, and make the most of it. It's like that saying "Let Go and Let God". yeayea.

Back to sports. I have mixed feelings about the end of the Titans season. One thing I look forward to more than anything each week is Titans games. One thing I least look forward to each week is watching the Titans embarrass Tennessee with their fighting, penalties, lack of ability to overcome adversity, whiny quarterbacks, and vulger, bird-flipping owners. Nonetheless, I still love the Titans and would root for them every day of the week. I'm partially glad the seasons over now though. We needed a change and we needed it fast. The sooner the change the sooner we can move on to bigger, better, and maturer. VY is a good quarterback and I hope that he will excel elsewhere...just not on Sundays when he's playing TN.

I feel like this blog was kind of all over the place. I dig it. All in all, go titans and let it be. Peace and blessings...peace. and. blessings.

Learning curve

According to Wikipedia "The term learning curve refers to the graphical relation between the amount of learning and the time it takes to learn." So, this would mean "time elapsed" would be charted on the X axis with "knowledge gained" on the Y axis....aka my line would be really flat _______ Only joking, kind of. I've found the more self-relfection, biblical studying, and living independently I do that the rate at which I'm acquiring knowledge has increased. It's not a huge increase, it's more of a very slow, gradual incline but, nonetheless, I'm learning. 


What am I learning? Well, mostly about congenital cardiac defects and their corrective surgeries  BUT also about relationships. For example, what it means to be loyal, faithful, selfless, respectful, honorable, generous, kind, accepting, and tolerant. I've always been the "I'd rather have 5 best friends than 100 good acquaintances" type, but now I wanna be both. The more the merrier right? People teach you things. They teach you how to love, how not to love; how to help, how not to help; how to teach, how not to teach; how to speak, how not to speak, etc. The more I know the better friend I can be. I found a verse recently that states it pretty plain and simple. The 11th book of the New Testament is a letter written to the Church of Philippi from St. Paul known as  Philippians. I really love Philippians b/c I often feel like Paul is writing directly to me. He is very encouraging and uplifting. He teaches us that we have to preach the Word through everything that we do--good or bad. We are to live a life worthy of the Gospel and it can't just be with our words but through our actions. What better way to share Christ than the way we treat people? Philippians 2:3-4 says:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." 

I'm finding the more I grow in the knowledge of God the more I desire to be more like Him. Now I just need to do it. I suppose, with this new year, this can be my resolution. I need to see that incline steepen(is that a word?) Along with attempting to train for the music city half marathon...but we'll just see about that one. 

Anyway, the holidays are over and it's time to get back to the grind. Oddly enough, I'm excited to get back to work. I miss my little patient and the good people that I work with. I also just like that feeling of working real hard and deserving the couple days off. I hope that all two of you who read this have a blessed week and know that I pray for you always!